Practical guides · Articles in English
The first au pair call: a 30-minute plan and better questions
Use a two-way agenda, ask about real childcare situations, and finish with a clear next step. Includes wording for awkward but necessary questions.
Updated
A first call can feel strangely high-stakes. You may be wondering whether you would trust this person with your children. They may be wondering whether they would feel comfortable living in your home. Both of you are trying to answer questions that a polished profile cannot settle.
Aim for a useful second conversation, rather than a decision before the call ends. Thirty minutes is enough to understand the broad fit, explain the household and identify what needs checking. You can arrange a longer follow-up for the schedule, references and agreement.
Send the plan before the call
A short message gives the other person time to prepare, particularly if you will be speaking in a second language:
Would a 30-minute first call work for you? We thought we could introduce ourselves, talk about your childcare experience and our usual week, then leave time for your questions. There is no need to decide anything on the call. Please tell us if a different time or format would be easier.
In AuPairsy, open an existing conversation and go to Interviews to propose a time. A proposal remains unconfirmed until the other person accepts. The app shows times in each person's device time zone, so check that the displayed zone matches where you will actually be.
For planning across countries, timeanddate's meeting planner lets you compare cities on the intended date. Use cities and the actual date rather than remembering a fixed number of hours between countries; daylight-saving changes can affect the difference.
Agree on a video service and add its HTTPS call link if you want one. AuPairsy schedules the interview; it does not create the video room. A confirmed interview can be downloaded to your calendar. That file is a snapshot, so update your calendar if the arrangement changes.
Keep a simple agenda beside you
| Time | Conversation | What you want to learn |
|---|---|---|
| First 5 minutes | Introductions and hopes for the stay | What each person is looking for |
| Next 10 minutes | Childcare experience and a real situation | What the experience involved and how the person thinks about support |
| Next 5 minutes | Your actual routine and living arrangement | Whether there is an obvious practical mismatch |
| Next 7 minutes | The au pair's questions | What matters to them and what you have not explained |
| Final 3 minutes | Open questions and next step | Who will do what, and when you will speak again |
Treat the times as a guide. If someone needs longer to answer, make space. If the connection is poor, agree to continue later instead of treating a broken conversation as a personality test.
Ask for a specific experience
“Do you like children?” usually produces a yes. A more useful starting point is: “Tell us about a normal day in your most recent childcare role. What did you do yourself, and when was another adult available?”
Follow with one or two questions that fit the answer:
- What ages were the children, and how often did you care for them?
- Can you describe a time a child did not want to follow a routine? What happened next?
- When did you need to ask an adult for help?
- Which tasks would feel familiar, and which would you need someone to demonstrate?
Listen for detail and an honest sense of limits. A confident speaking style is not evidence of childcare competence, and a nervous answer does not establish a lack of it. If a skill is essential, discuss how you will check it appropriately before relying on it.
For first aid, ask what training someone has completed and when, then discuss any training your arrangement needs. The British Red Cross baby and child first-aid resources can help you find learning topics. Reading a guide or answering an interview question is not a substitute for the required training or an assessment of competence.
Use one household situation, and explain your part in it
Try a situation you might actually face: “One child refuses to leave the playground, the other is tired, and it is nearly time to go home. How would you approach it? What would you want us to have explained beforehand?”
Do not spring a series of alarming scenarios on someone. The purpose is to discuss judgement, boundaries and support, not to catch them out. After they answer, explain how you handle that situation, what the children are used to and when you would expect a call.
The family also needs to answer a difficult question: if the au pair says they cannot safely manage something, who takes over? Be specific about the adult support you can provide.
Say the less comfortable things plainly
Some topics are easy to postpone because you want the conversation to go well. They become harder to fix after arrival.
Schedule changes: “Occasionally work runs late. We would need to discuss changes in advance and stay within our agreement and the applicable rules. What notice would help you plan your own time?”
Privacy: “We knock before entering bedrooms. How much family time would you enjoy, and when would you prefer time on your own?”
Driving: “This would involve these particular journeys. What driving have you done recently, and what would help you get familiar with the route and car?” Check legal permission and insurance separately.
Money: “These are the costs we expect to cover and the points we still need to confirm. What questions do you have?” Bring the budget guide into a later discussion if the details need time.
Concerns: “If our instructions conflict or something feels unreasonable, how would you prefer to raise it? Here is who you can speak to.”
Give the au pair a real chance to question you
Ask “What have we not explained clearly?” and leave a pause. They may want to know about meals, visitors, classes, transport, religion, dietary needs or how the household handles disagreement. Answer the question asked rather than reassuring them that everything will be fine.
Do not make children responsible for choosing the au pair during the first call. If you later arrange an introduction, keep it appropriate to their age and comfort, with an adult present.
End with an agreement about the next conversation
A clear ending might be: “We will send the proposed weekly outline tomorrow. If you would like to keep talking, let's arrange another call after you have read it. Please take time to think.”
Afterwards, keep brief private notes under three headings: what you learned, what still needs checking, and what you promised to send. Separate an observation from an assumption: “asked for time to read the schedule” is a fact; “not enthusiastic” is an interpretation.
Use Saved profiles and the shortlist guide to keep practical questions organised. Nobody should have to accept an arrangement because a pleasant first call made saying no feel awkward.